PUTRA

Sitting by your open window -
A dull breeze flicking the curtain,
The morning sun a broken thing
without beauty...
Trapped behind a concrete slab
of 21st century living...
And what does it take -
what does it take
to make it through the day
This pale day
Violent in its lovelessness
Broken before it has had a chance
to shade the scorched grasslands
of a future without solace?
Like Icarus - But without ecstasy,
It knows well and truely
that happiness
DOES NOT
CANNOT
AND NEVER WILL
ever be able to spread out its wings
like a tired moth -
sick of the moon
An Aeon before the power had its power
and so to the paleness - to the distance.

7.6.11
332

Trip to the unknown

Some goes to the city , some pack their bags and run into the wild leaving those cowards behind with their Same old life and comfort. who can blame those cowards? after all it is the easiest way, the easiest place to stay and to live life. It may sound radical but its a true fact. Life is all about making decision and there is no right or wrong to our decision making. that's just life.Some take it too seriously and end up screaming, yelling, crying and blaming him/her/u/me/shits. When life gets complicated, some retreat but plenty makes it more complicated. Its the decision one makes to 'break free', just don't expect people to understand you, to respect your life journey because it is after all YOUR life, YOUR decision and YOUR pleasure. life is uncontrollable and unpredictable, this is how everything was , is and always be..It's pointless to resist because it will make a devil out of you. If you don't learn to accept chaos and the reality that happiness itself is a myth, then the painful ghostly affliction that haunts you now will haunt you forever. Joy exists, as does pleasure and ecstasy.. but they can only ever be short lived and if you can learn to accept that then you'll be fine. it's about trusting your instincts and knowing which certain winds blow. stop judging, stop blaming just keep on going. whatever life gives you, accept with a smile. keep the head high and the spirit even higher. people will spit on you, wipe it and say thank you. sooner or later they will stop spitting .

34 yrs old.
transfer.
15 june 2011

the right decision :)

i'm back early today. i am so tired and i think i shud do justice to my body by RESTING.

i drove my parents to the dentist. had to drop them off first because i need to go to the bank. as they came out from the car, i could feel my heart beating so fast. my mom pimpin tgn engku yg bertongkat sudah. sayu dan ngilu rase hati. they walked together, perlahan sgt dan tgn ma dekat belakang engku. mase reverse kereta tu, mcm tanak biar mereka pergi jalan berdua mcm tu, padahal kejap je nk gi bank. i always pray for them, dan hubungan macam mereka memang susah nak jumpa zaman sekarang. contoh terbaik untuk diikuti. mase di hospital, engku xnak ma balik, she wants her to always be by his side no matter what. yea, my mom do complaint sikit2 tp wen we offered to stay and jaga engku, she'll create alasan to stay with engku. ;S (sedih woooo)

i think of them every single day, i just hafta to call my mom evryday just to make sure evrythngs fine at home. i love them so much!

*goin to hafal my lines for RIBUT.Uwarghhh!!!*

in love with astrud gilberto.

watched plenty of dvds, baru je habis tgk EVERYBODY'S FINE ( a tribute to my dad) :(

and NINE was superb (evendoe the movie received mix review, i still loveeeee it) :)

and my hero-in, SANDRA , she was superfineeee in the blind side and funny as always in all about steve, and wen she won the awards i was xcited (drama gile nih).

wolfman was O~K~ la . and the rest were really superb n beautiful. and watching it with my sis, lebih la cantik sume movie itu (da nons, jgn pasan!)

As for my father, i cant tell anythng yet as evrythng is still in this thick haze. i just pray and hope he'll b ok soon, and be just as healthy as he did b4 ;s evry1 is praying and hoping for the best. SALUTE to my mom who is being very strong and keeping the family together.

walaubagaimanapun , i still have to work on this march production (rancangan terhebat hari jadi ADLI) , as the production designer, mmg belambak kejenye, im taking it easy, kalu klamkabut nanti huruharalah~

ill b acting in april, a supporting role, but the thought of acting dah mmbuat lutut berlanggar ketakutan. it has been a year since my last play as an actor, bapakkklaaaaa!!! (takot gile) and tajuknya ialah ribut!

went to casting 4 uda&dara the musical, i just hope i get the part, ensemble pon jadilah b4 leaving :)

dan itulah sje,im working on my application. this personal statement is killing me!cepatlah siap essay and cpatlah dpt offer letter!!!!

DURIAN

pelik.
buah ini sudah dipetik, tp baru td dibuang.

jangan buang buah yang dipetik.
jangan sebab hati, buah jadi mangsa.
simpanlah buah itu dan laksanakan kata.
jangan dimainkan buah itu,
sebab dia mudah terasa.
kasihani dia, dia juga ada jiwa
macam semua manusia.

tapi tadi dia ternganga
mengenang nasib yang tak tahu bagaimana
hanya mampu berdoa
dia kutip dan simpan semula.

wahai tuan yang baik hati,
fikir dan timbangkan keputusan diri
agar adil kanan dan kiri
biar senang kita di hati.

buah juga mulai masak
jangan biar ia rosak

buah akan tunggu
tapi sekarang
dengan hati yang sayu.

fikir dan timbangkan. (satu permintaan)

19/07/09

woke up late today. had a light bfeast (1 piece of bread n a glass of orange juice).
then had a quick morning bath coz gelabah ayam since bista n ksue dah sampai to bring us out for lunch.
wore my blue pants (so in love wt it) haha. had a great thai lunch.
now having my own sweet time. 0nline-ing.
im goin to support mardiana tonite n goin to support hairi nxt2 wik. (im such a great supporter kan?). hope with my support dorg can win dan blanje me!hahahahha.

untuk DIA.

hari ini,
dia pergi lagi.membawa semua kelengkapan.

dia setia,
kawan karibnya bernama lukisan dibawa bersama.

aku dengar,
dia terjelepok di atas tangga. terrhiiris hati ini.

______________________________________________

memang susah diungkapkan rasa kasih serta sayang ini,
aku tahu yang dia tahu apa yang aku...nak luahkan.
kucupan setiap pagi CUKUP sebagai bukti segala apa yang tersorok dalam hatinya.

tapi SEMANGAT nya kuat.
tak mengalah..dia teruskan juga ceritanya dalam kisah HIDUP ini.
_______________________________________________

dari jauh ku lihat,
ngilu hati ini menengok dia tersiksa sebegitu rupa.
meraung dalam hati ini,
berdegup laju jantung ini,
bergetar mulut menelan air liur,
menahan air mata di hujung kelopak bawah mataku.
_________________________________________

tapi ya!
aku mengerti.
aku mengerti bahawa dia penat. pening. sesak.
tapi aku tak mahu dia putus asa. harapan. punca.
aku mahu dia sentiasa ada. disisi.
aku mahu dia kuat dan terus bersemangat.

___________________________________

ALLAH
tolong dia ya...aku sayang dia..